My weak point is that, i'm too softhearted.

I was touched and eventually, slowly begin to develop feelings, i never treated or even thought of him as a rebound, However after spending some time together, i knew he wasn't the kind of person i want to spend my lifetime with, as he begin to show the worse parts of him. I was afraid.

I started to compare and there are times when these thoughts run through my mind, i would cry. 

It was like walking through heaven and being sent to hell after.

 I got even more upset then i was before, i was back into the darkness i could not get out of again. After the relationship has ended, i thought about the happy memories a lot and felt sad. There were even times i thought to myself that if he ever wants it back i would. It was a stupid idea but i did felt that way for a period of time. Perhaps it was because i'm a sentimental person and losing someone or something just isn't my thing.. But then as time goes by and the feelings of conflict in my mind dissipates, i realized what i had for him wasn't true love, i thought to myself if i truly did love him, i would be able to overlook many things, i wouldn't give this up so easily. 

Sometimes true love can be unconditional and some has to be earned. A human feeling's can be so difficult and confusing at times don't they? I guess it all go downs to fate..timing..and most importantly the person.

Everyday was just the usual, i had nothing to look forward to, other than hanging out with my friends, it was just heading home being with my bed, my computer or my phone. As the lights go off i lay in bed, thinking and thinking about my life, it was just about everything and anything. & when i am alone, i would often drift off with my thoughts. I just wasn't the person i used to be anymore and i knew i can never be.

I guess this is what pain turns people into and it will always stay in a part of you..somewhere. 

It was a long march holiday, i worked a lot to distract myself. I couldn't be bothered about anything else other than focusing on earning for my driving lessons. I received many advice that it was time to give my heart a rest, i truthfully thought to myself it was time to give myself a break and good things will eventually happen. But life is always this fucked up, they never give you what you want,. The more you say no, the more it will come. 

I was so sure, the next time round, i want someone that could give me security, assurance and sees a future with me.

There's this quote i came across before, "When we first met, i had no idea you would be so important to me." Yes, that happened.

It was such a cute beginning, 

the process was like falling in love for the first time, it was such a peculiar feeling. He was so nice to talk to and comfortable to be with. Those nights we spent talking to each other for hours made me realized how amazing and special every moment felt.

I wouldn't say love is the best medicine, he was.