Lets just say, i've become numbed.
i've built up enough emotional immunity, I will no longer put myself in a vulnerable and lifeless state. Its just isn't worth it, i only have one life. No matter what happens, go ahead and let yourself feel, be sad; moody; sick and tired. i just have to pick myself up by the next day, build a bridge and get over it. No matter what setbacks, be it failing an exam, failing my driving test and being apart from someone.

Through each relationship, you grow from it and handle each one differently.
Looking back at my past..

I always thought that a closure was very important, i kept wanting to find answers thinking that by knowing the reasons why the r/s has to end. it will help me to feel better. I found myself sounding really stupid for wanting to get answers, because you'll just end up reacting immaturely. I mean comeon.. if a person wants to leave you, what other answers do you need? perhaps inside.. what you hope to know or get from it, was if it was ever genuine.

When the relationship has ended, you will feel empty and loss. The urge of wanting to maintain communication with the other party is normal. It does let you have the satisfaction and comfort that the person is still in your life. However, you'll just be hitting yourself by doing this and deepening the wound, you'll see the difference followed by the voice in your head telling you, "you're nothing worth more than just this now." As if it was mocking you.

"if you really want something you should fight for it and not have any regrets." How true is that? and to what extent?

I always thought that no matter what mistake the other party has done, as long as he has the sincerity to change and come back. You can allow it.   ; this was wrong too.

(okay this is pretty lame) because of a Taiwan Drama i watched called "The Murphy Law Of Love" it taught me that a proper closure in a relationship is very important, both parties should end things well and move on. Hence, i kept wanting that proper closure badly. In the end i did not get it, however i did not regret or feel worse. In fact, i felt glad. Because, once a relationship has to end it has to end, there isn't a point hoping that this closure would in any way improve how you feel or salvage anything. It will allow yourself into carrying a false hope.

I tried fighting for it, but i learned that if it really comes to just you fighting alone. Things would never work out. You'll grow tired and eventually decide "that's it for me." And when you decide that was it, it will end. Because why? you are the only person left at the other end of the tug of war.

Lastly, You can't force things anyway when it comes to love. Know that you've to let go, as a person that wants this as badly as you do would never give up. Sometimes a person's heart just don't go the way you want it to.

A broken piece glued back together would eventually break apart in time. Hence, the phrase "try again" no longer belonged in my love dictionary.

Just gonna have examination from the date frame of 22-29 February and off to the next phase.

Days are going to pass by like shooting stars.

After which a short 3 weeks break, i may have to start my internship program.

Went to Tan Tock Seng Hospital for an interview that lasted near 30 minutes, it is probably due to my contribution of telling too much stories HAHA. Right now, it is just waiting for the results on whether i get selected or not. Which i hopefully do, because i had to sacrifice 3 days of my holiday trip with my family as the internship program starts slightly earlier then other locations.

Initially i had thoughts of giving up the opportunity and might as well just be reassigned to another location, but i guess such chances are hard to come by and i had to do what's best for myself.

i am too much of an easy going person and i like to do things at my own pace depending on the importance and the urgency of it. I am very relaxed and i don't like to stress myself because i know that no matter what happens, happiness is important, keep moving forward.

The end of the year examinations is just in a few days, i did badly for 2 modules. Just the thought of getting a re-module is quite fear stricken which one of it has a relative high chance. The worry of disappointing my family stands much higher than disappointing myself. There are so many many things i can do to strike that fear off. But i am just too chill to do any shit for myself. Seeing everyone putting in their best effort and studying for hours makes me feel like i should've done something if i want to be better,

I am naturally a lazy person for myself.

I won't go the extra mile for my own, but yes i'd for others.

Perhaps only the aura and motivation i get from others is able to give myself that little push.

I shall do something about it tonight, well.. at least for the 2 modules i've flunked...

And i hope for the very best that everything goes smoothly,

the next phase of my life to have no interruptions.

Best regards,

Germaine